between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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