she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
