every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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