I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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