i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
