She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize