come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
