Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
