come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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