some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize