Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
