Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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