Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
