Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
