Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
