well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
