you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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