wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
