I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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