I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
