I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
