is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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