Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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