apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
