i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
