he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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