Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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