remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
