i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
