You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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