WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
