Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
