11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
