Screwed.edu
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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