I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
