I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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