Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
try to milk me bitch
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