Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She needs sedatives and a leash
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize