dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
