Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
