3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
