Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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