Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
