dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
