He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
