Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
