So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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