He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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