Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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