I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
