you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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