I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
