DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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