try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
