I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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