I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Randomize
