Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
