I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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