There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
