He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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