Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
