If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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