I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
