At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My vagina is officially offended.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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