you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
