My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
