i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
