I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
someone owes me an orgasm
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
