Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
