there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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