just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
